Content Warning: This post is about protecting 95 young women from the Tarime FGM rituals. Some of the information is disturbing, and may be triggering. Certainly not for younger audiences. The final message is one of hope, though.

At QuadW Tarime, we are a community of 5 Tanzanians, 1 Mexican, and 3 Americans who follow Jesus. We do our best to love our neighbors as ourselves, and we make disciples; disciples who make disciples.

In May, Dinnah Sylvester and Nancy Martinez noticed that there were quite a few young women in our neighborhood. Dinnah is of the Kuria tribe, the majority tribe in Tarime, and she knew from her experience that the Kuria tribe generally does not value girls and young women. They make them work hard, insult them, and generally try to break down their confidence. Men do this to maintain their power, and then older women do this to younger women because this is the way that they were treated growing up. There are some beautiful exceptions, but by and large, it is very hard being a young Kuria woman.

So Dinnah and Nancy took an obvious step to start a disciple group for young Kuria women. They meet every Sunday at 4, anywhere from 8 to 20 girls. Dinnah and Nancy affirm their worth in God’s eyes, and they teach them to affirm each other. They give them decision-making power in deciding the group’s activities, and teach them how to lead our evening prayer meetings, doing their best to rebuild their confidence.

As they journeyed with these young women, they realized that the tohara season was coming up. The girls were talking about it in guarded whispers, and some adults were bringing it up as a prayer request during our evening prayer meetings. “We are nearing the twelfth month, the season of the tohara, a season of danger for young women, let’s ask God that he would be near to them, that he would help them.”

It’s a sad fact of life that some of the Kuria tribe (the majority tribe here in Tarime) continues to practice female genital mutilation (FGM). Different villages do this at different dates, but it is generally done from late November until New Year’s Day. It is a religious ritual, and the ritual itself is called the “tohara”. In the Kuria version of the practice, the clitoris is removed with a razor blade. It is generally done to young women who have recently gone through puberty. Once the wound heals, she is considered to be ready for marriage, and is normally married within 1-2 years.

These days, most Kuria women who I know have not had the practice performed. Inter-tribal marriage steadily decreases the power of the practice, and it is also illegal; at least two practitioners were arrested in the Tarime area over this last month. The growth of Christianity, Islam, and health education have also steadily poured water on the fire. There are, however, a group of rural Kuria elders who cling fiercely to the practice. They organize a secret tohara ritual in every rural Kuria village, every year, and then persuade as many people as possible to send their pubescent daughters. Many Kuria men who live in rural areas also continue to pay higher bride prices for Kuria brides who have had the practice performed. I don’t have any hard data on this, but my dear friend Mwita Baita, a Kuria, estimates that anywhere from 600 to 1,800 young Kuria women are cut each year.

So as Dinnah and Nancy were doing their best to love these young women, they asked the rest of the QuadW Tarime community what we could do to protect the young women during this season.

We agreed that they would need to have some careful, vulnerable conversations with them, to help determine who might be at risk. And not only them, but also any friends or neighbors who they knew who might be at risk.

And then Raphael suggested an idea, “I know at Gamasara UMC the Emmanuel Center does this camp to protect young women from the tohara. At least, they used to. Maybe, if anyone is in danger, they could go there.”

I replied, “Yeah, they did have a camp to protect young women, in 2018, 2019, and 2020. They didn’t have it last year, though. They didn’t have the funds for it, and they didn’t have enough volunteers to coordinate it. You know, it’s a lot of work to take care of all those young girls for however many weeks. BUT I did work with the Emmanuel Center folks on a grant application for funding a girls camp for 2022. I haven’t heard back, but maybe the Sunflower Foundation will agree to fund the camp. And then if y’all feel God, you know, giving you a call, or a passion in this direction, we could be the extra volunteers that Emmanuel Center needs to make it happen. So something to just be thinking about, talking with God about.”

Soon enough, The Sunflower Foundation in Melbourne, Australia (https://sunflowerfoundation.ngo/) did reach out to let me know that they had decided to award The Emmanuel Center a very generous $4,000 Australian dollars to protect young Kuria women from the tohara.

I brought the question back to the community, and the decision was unanimous. Cassidy, Dinnah, Doto, Glory, Nancy, Raphael, Tucker, and Veronica all wanted to do their best to help The Emmanuel Center to protect these young women.

On October 24th, we had a great meeting with the Emmanuel Center leaders; Rev. Anna Migera, Sarah Wambura, and Rev. Wikendi Juma. They were excited and energized, thankful for some sudden outside help in their everyday work of protecting and empowering women in the Gamasara community.

We all agreed that the next step would be a hard one.

Over the next month we would need to seek out girls who were in danger, and persuade the girls and their families to attend the girls camp, instead of the tohara.

As we moved forward with this, we faced all kinds of complicated resistance, but I will just give one example, which may illustrate the larger situation.

Dinnah, Nancy, and Doto quickly learned that an 11-year-old young woman who I’ll call Hope (not her real name) had decided to go to the tohara, once the time came. This seemed odd, since her father was of a different tribe. They talked with her mother, a Kuria, who explained that she did not want her daughter to go to the tohara, but she was afraid that her daughter would run away to the tohara anyways. She explained that another young woman, their neighbor, was from a very traditional Kuria family. It was her year to go to the tohara, and she had been doing her best to persuade as many young women as possible to go with her. I’ll call this young woman Bhoke.

Bhoke had told Hope that the tohara was how you become a real woman. She had told her that it’s just an injection, and you’ll get free candy and gifts if you go. Everyone will celebrate you. And you’ll be a woman, ready to get married.

Hope had been easily swayed by Bhoke, so Dinnah, Nancy, and Doto went to talk to Hope. First, they listened, to get a full picture of why she wanted to go. Then, they explained in detail about what the cutting is, how terribly it would hurt, and that it is irreversible. They explained that we can be good Kuria and followers of Jesus, but we have to leave the ancestor worship behind. Some things we just have to leave. God loves us so much, they explained, and if we follow him, he will be faithful to us.

They explained about the camp as well, and by the end of the conversation, Hope had agreed with them, and agreed to go to the girls camp instead of the tohara.

A few days later, Bhoke came back from visiting her extended family. It was heartbreaking; she had been given new shoes, new clothes, and some spending money. Her family had printed invitations to pass out to everyone for her upcoming tohara. She came to Hope again, with two friends who were also planning to go. They showed Hope the gifts, and told her that she had to come as well, if she was going to be a real woman.

Hope replied, “Myself, I cannot. I am a servant of God, and that is wrong.” They were startled, but then they laughed at her and skipped away. Shortly after, Doto saw Hope again, and Hope told her, “Please remember to take me to the camp. If I don’t go to the camp, I know I will give in and go with them. They are pressuring me so much.”

These sorts of interchanges played out all over Gamasara and Tarime as we did our best to persuade young women and their families not to go to the tohara. On December 9th, Hope and 66 other girls showed up at Gamasara UMC (which hosts King Emmanuel Primary School) for the Emmanuel Center girls camp. It is an overnight, 19-day event where young women ages 8-15 play together, learn about their value in God’s eyes, learn the truth about FGM and child marriage, and learn to affirm one another. It covers the entire duration of the tohara in Tarime and Gamasara, so that there is no danger of them being cut. Many strong women, including pastors, nurses, and government officials have come to teach them. Every day, more young women arrive, and we counted 95 young women on Thursday.

We are having a great time.

Duck, duck, goose ❤

Today’s Lesson: You have been wonderfully made

The Emmanuel Center heroes; Kuria women brave enough to host the camp. Here, they are preparing cabbage for dinner.

Each day, I marvel at the courage and the hard work of the Kuria women who are putting on the camp. They are choosing, every day, to stand up to shame, verbal abuse, and threats of violence from their traditional Kuria neighbors who want to hold on to the practice. They wake up early to care for the girls, and they watch them all the way until bedtime, preparing food for 95 girls over open fires, three times each day. Courage and hard work are two hallmarks of the Kuria tribe. I would argue that God is making these women to be more fully Kuria, not less so, as they lead their community to abandon this practice. As they come closer with God, he is returning the Kuria to be the wonderfully unique people who he created them to be. As he does so, this practice, as well as other ways of oppressing young women, will fall by the wayside.

The title means, “Let’s protect her”. I’m so thankful that what was once a normal practice in Tarime is now on its way out. I’m thankful that so many people, from 4 continents, wanted to join together to protect 95 young women from this practice, and to teach them to teach others, as we help the Kuria in their efforts to usher this out, and usher in a little more of the Kingdom of God, here on earth. Specifically, I want to thank:

• Sarah Wambura, Community Coordinator of The Emmanuel Center for Women and Children
• Rev. Wikendi Juma, Pastor of Gamasara UMC, which hosts The Emmanuel Center
• Rev. Anna Migera, Communication and Reporting Coordinator for the Emmanuel Center
• The many Emmanuel Center women who have volunteered to help care for these young women
• The Sunflower Foundation in Melbourne, Australia
• Evan Lorendo and Rev. Eric Soard, for introducing me to the Sunflower Foundation
• Northside Church in Jackson, Tennessee, for your generous sponsorship of Emmanuel Center Primary School, which provides the space to host the girls camp
• Bernadette St. Amand and Sylvia Songe for all you did to get the girls camp started
• QuadW Tarime residents Cassidy Barker, Dinnah Sylvester, Doto Francis, Glory Sentozi, Nancy Martinez, Raphael Musa, Tucker McDonald, and Veronica Rhodes for all of your hard work to make this happen
• Lynn Barker, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Este Gardner, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Grace UMC in Dallas, Texas, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Larry Duggins, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Anna Grace Glaize, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Katie Kirk, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Paul Ott, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant
• Patty Holley, for giving generously to cover some expenses that were not covered by the grant

You can make more of this happen by donating to QuadW Tarime at:

Venmo: @DavisRhodes
PayPal: daviswarrenrhodesjr@gmail.com
Zelle: daviswarrenrhodesjr@gmail.com

Tax-deductible: https://www.wesleycollegetzfoundation.com/donate2022 write QuadW Tarime in the comment box

Or to The Emmanuel Center (tax-deductible) at:

https://advance.umcmission.org/p-495-emmanuel-center-for-women-and-children-tarime.aspx

Or to The Sunflower Foundation (tax-deductible) at:

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=EYN7JEBDDD5AQ

P.S. One frequently asked question is, “why?”

I cannot do justice to this in a few short sentences, and I do not really understand myself. But a few reasons:

1. Traditional Kuria men pay higher bride prices for Kuria women who have been cut; they say it makes them more submissive and less likely to cheat.
2. It is a religious practice. Many Kuria believe that their ancestors will curse them if they allow any of their daughters not to be cut.
3. General social pressure; traditionally, women who had not been cut were unmarried outcasts, and “msagani” is still a common Kuria insult for women who have not been cut.
4. The elders charge about $20 from each young woman to have the practice performed, and they don’t want this lucrative opportunity to end.
5. An elder Kuria man once told me, “Long, long ago, our women were very wild. We had failed to control them. And some tribe from the North advised us to do this, they said it would work to control them.”
6. The Masai, the Kikuyu, and several other nomadic or previously nomadic people groups from the Nile/the Horn of Africa have had the same practice( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation ). Some continue to practice, and some have stopped in the recent past. The Kuria tribe formed when a nomadic tribe from the Nile migrated south and met with the Bantu tribes on the Eastern border of Lake Victoria ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuria_people).

On February 27th, 2021 we launched a missional community here in Tarime, Tanzania. Three Tanzanian young adults and two American young adults living together, serving together, and making disciples… and becoming disciples through the process.

QuadW Missional Skunkworks Tarime site, hosted by Wesley College’s servant leadership program. We call the house “Wesley House”.

In most cases where white people live in Tanzania, they live in gated compounds with a security guard, in a part of town that is isolated and is supposed to be a bit safer than the rest. This is for safety, as white people are assumed to be wealthy and are often targets for thieves.

But for the mission and vision of our community, it was clear that this wouldn’t work. We are here to serve our neighbors and live life with them. We are here to meet with them regularly and show them what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus, and then to learn from them about how to be a disciple of Jesus. And this couldn’t just be the wealthy… it needed to also include the last, the lost, the least of these.

Fortunately, in 2018, Mwita Baita and I (and his family of 8) lived together for about 11 months, in the same town where we were planning to launch the missional community. So in May of 2020, I asked Mwita,

“Is this really possible? Am I doing something unsafe, too risky? It seems risky, but then, I lived with you for 11 months, and we never had any break-ins or safety issues. Why did it go so well? Could we do the same thing at our community?”

“It is possible, it is possible”, he replied. “What you need is a good plan for safety and good relationships with your neighbors. It is true, Tarime can be a dangerous place. But you saw at our house, we don’t have any gate, and we never had any problems. But you saw, I am a friend, very much, of the community. You always see me always greeting everybody, I know everybody… these issues are helping very much with the issue of safety.”

We ended up hiring Mwita as Assistant Site Director, and made him the safety officer for our community,

and we found a house with a typical gate, no wall, located in a normal part of town, where normal Tarime life happens.

Mwita put together a safety plan including:

• Close relationships with the neighbors living around our house
• Close relationships with the Neighborhood Chairman (this is a government position a bit smaller and more local than anything you see in the U.S… roughly, imagine if each neighborhood/subdivision had it’s own elected official)
• Close relationships with the Tarime police
• A little dog (who we named Loki) who would bark if there were any issues
• Living at the same level as our neighbors and abstaining from buying any expensive, high-demand electronics

As soon as we moved in, we began visiting our neighbors, and within the first 3 months, we had visited 38 families around our house. These visits were very rich, and showed us what life was like for our neighbors in this community, as well as offering opportunities to encourage our neighbors in their faith. We started inviting our neighbors to pray with us every evening at 8:30, and now 30-50 neighbors show up and pray with us every evening. It’s so nice to be a part of the community here.

One evening in April, our neighbors showed up for prayer and we tried to begin the first song. As we began, though, one of our closest neighbors, Mama Esta, walked into our prayer room and interrupted us,

“Before other things! Before other things! Today, one young man was talking with a big voice saying that he had a plan to steal from here! He said, ‘I’ve already spied them out, I am ready, you will see!’ “

“Oh, whoa. Thank you so much for the information, mama”, Gilbert said.

We went ahead with our evening prayer meeting, and then the 5 of us met in the kitchen. We decided to contact Mwita, and to be ready. We agreed that it was unlikely to happen tonight, and we talked about steps to take. One member mentioned that we had had 30 or so children over to play the previous Sunday. Maybe one of them had been a spy, sent to check out our place. Maybe we should stop having children over?

Then we talked about trying to be disciples of Jesus, to model how Jesus might live in this community. We agreed that we couldn’t see children as enemies, and so we let that suggestion go. We agreed to take a few minutes, just the 5 of us, and pray for those who persecute us… to pray specifically for this young man, that he might begin to have a better life.

The next day, Mwita and I met with Mama Esta and another neighborhood friend, Mama Jaki. We thanked them for being such good neighbors and caring for us, and we learned that the young man is the son of one of Mwita’s friends. Mwita went to visit his father, with the goal of setting up a meeting between us and the young man. Not a meeting to bring him to the authorities, but just a meeting to let him know that we are his friend and we love him.

Later that day, the 5 of us met with Mwita and he reviewed our break-in procedures, and we had a neighborhood prayer meeting that evening specifically focused on loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us.

Finally, Mwita reminded me about our meeting with the police back in February. They had promised to come inspect the safety of our house, but what if we turned that into a dinner invitation and cooked a nice dinner for them?

(Above are various pictures from our life in community together)

So what happened?

Mwita had a good talk with Mzee Mchina, the young man’s father. His father said that the young man (like most young thieves) rarely comes home and doesn’t have one place where he consistently stays, so it would be hard to find him. Mwita kept trying, but after a week of looking for him, Mwita learned that he had moved to a different part of town.

And the police agreed to come over on a Saturday night. The Assistant Police Chief, the police representative at the Tarime District Court, and five police officers all came together, and we invited the Neighborhood Chairman and our landlord as well. We prepared rice, fish, meat, cabbage, sodas, and watermelon for them, and we had a good time together. Mwita gave a speech to the officers about how he appreciated their protection, and that a big part of our community’s mission was showing new ideas and new ways of looking at the world. Why can’t people build friendship with the police? Why can’t we show them that we are together? Why do we have to be separate? The Assistant Police Chief replied that he had been doing this job for years, but that this was the first time that any Tarime citizen had had him over for dinner, just as friends, to get to know him better. He really appreciated it.

During the meeting with the police, we didn’t mention the young man or the threat. We just enjoyed being together. And to this day, we are thankful that we haven’t had any more safety threats.

The title means “to break down walls”.

Last night, I was shocked to learn that my dear friend Mike Roy died of a heart attack. He was such a genuinely good human being, and I wanted everyone to know a little about that.

In 13 months of living at The Bonhoeffer House (intentional Christian community), I met a variety of folks who, for one reason or another, were homeless. As I really got to know them, I saw an incredible variety of stories and personalities, and the fact that they couldn’t find a way to handle a monthly rent payment faded into the background.

Mike Roy, specifically, was a genuine fellow with such a loving heart.

There was a lot of his story that I never understood. A Navy Veteran, he was eligible for several government programs, but found it too challenging to get back on the grid. Most mornings he would walk all over the streets of Dallas just after sunrise collecting aluminum cans to sell.

I would go to the Lakewood Branch Library frequently and I would often run into Mike, sitting in one of the chairs, either reading something about World War II or doing a crossword puzzle. Sometimes I would sit down next to him and we would both read and enjoy each other’s silent company.

Whenever you saw Mike, you could always count on him going through the list of all of our homeless friends and how they were doing.

“______ is doing okay, but the heat is really gettin’ to her. Hopefully the rain comes through and cools everything off.”

“Haven’t seen _____ since Tuesday. Not sure where he is. I think he’s fine, though.”

“_____ was in the hospital last week. Something with his foot. He’s out now, though.”

“But have you heard anything from _____? I don’t think I’ve seen him for a week now! I usually always see him around here pushin’ his cart. Have you heard anthing? I hope everything is okay.”

Some of his friends responded in kind and cared deeply for Mike. Others did not, they barely seemed to notice him. Over time, I saw that he was persistently devoted to all of them, regardless of whether they reciprocated his caring. If he felt that one of them needed protection and a watchful eye, he would find a way to sleep nearby and be ready to help if anything happened. He would do this for the same person for weeks, even in cases where the other person did not reciprocate his caring, or even notice him.

Mike loved pets. In late 2019, our friends Pam and James Rogers set up an arrangement where Mike could live with them. They had a cat named Riley, and they told me about how Mike woke up early and always loved to drink coffee and spend time with Riley during the early morning.

During early 2020, we had a Super Bowl part at Pam and James’ house and I saw this myself. Everyone else was watching the game, but Mike was holding Riley, smiling, and scratching her under her chin and behind her ears.

Once Pam and James took Mike in, he slowly started to get back on the grid. One of the first things he got was his food stamps. He decided to use them to buy food for Pam and James, as away to contribute to the friends who had taken him in. He would come to Aldi’s, next to The Bonhoeffer House, and one day he asked if he could park his cart at the house while he shopped.

“Sure, Mike.” I said. “It’ll be here when you get back.”

“Thank you, Davis. Hey, is there anything you need from Aldi’s?”

“No, I’m good to go, but thank you for asking.”

“Okay. Well. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?”

“Hahahahaha. Oh man. Mint Chocolate Chip. I never buy it for myself, and I miss it so much.”

“Hahaha. Well. We’ll see what I can do with these food stamps.”

In about 15 minutes, Mike was back with the Aldi’s one-dollar box of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I wanted to cry from happiness. We opened it together and ate some.

As Mike was about to go, he noticed that I had a bottle of rum.

“Hey, is that Don Q?”

“Haha, for sure. I got it for a party a few months back. It’s just been sitting there. Since the virus came, I doubt I’ll use it now. You can have it if you want.”

“Naw, I don’t need that. But what you say we take a shot?”

I thought to myself… A shot of rum? At 10:30 in the morning?

I replied, “Why not? Sounds good, man.”

After that, Mike would go shopping every week on Tuesday morning. He would always show up at my door with a $1 box of mint chocolate chip ice cream. And we would always take a shot together.

One day, one of the members of The Bonhoeffer House sat with Mike and drank coffee together for a few minutes on our porch swing. Afterwards she came in and immediately said, “Mike has got to be one of my very favorite humans”.

I couldn’t agree more. I wish that I could see him just one more time.

Friends, you helped to launch something new this last year. 3 Tanzanian young adults and 2 American young adults living and working together in Christian community, making disciples who make disciples. The 5 of us prayed together, cooked together, ate together, worked together, loved our neighbors, and helped them to become disciples.

It surpassed my wildest dreams.

All 5 residents’ lives were transformed (see more here: Resident Transformation ).

We helped many of our neighbors to understand that the prosperity gospel is false, and therefore, the hardships of their lives do not mean that God does not favor them. This brought new hope to many, and they returned to God.

2 neighbors decided to follow Jesus for the first time and were baptized.

After a lot of trial and error, we started a house church. They continue to meet every Friday at 4 pm.

Kikundi cha Faraja House Church

After our trial phase ended, one of the residents chose to continue living in the same area, so that she could continue loving her neighbors and pastoring the house church.

And on June 21st, we found a way to save a precious 15-month-old girl who was at death’s door, due to malnutrition.

Its amazing to see how serious God is about making this world new.

In 2022, we are building on this success by increasing the number of community members from 5 to 10. The 2022 community will have 5 members from Tanzania, 4 members from the United States, and 1 member from Mexico.

(2 of these members will be joining us in September and we are still looking for them. Therefore only 8 pictured above)

Instead of the temporary, “trial phase” community that we launched last year, this community will be permanent and year-round, with all community members committing to 12 months of living in community.

Davis and Veronica fell in love during their time as residents of QuadW Tarime 2021 (see their love story here: Nakupenda) and will be married on February 5th, here in Tanzania. Together, they will be site directors for the 2022 community.

We will build on what we learned in 2021 about starting a house church, and we will start several more in 2022. Our goal is for every house church to in turn plant new house churches as more and more of our neighbors find new hope in Jesus.

We need your help with this expansion. I’m hoping to raise $5,000 by the end of this year to help us to start off on firm footing in 2022. I’m asking you for a donation of any size to help us towards this.

Feel free to donate in whichever way is easiest for you.

Official Donation Page: https://www.wesleycollegetzfoundation.com/quiet-heroes
Venmo: @DavisRhodes
PayPal: daviswarrenrhodesjr@gmail.com
Zelle: daviswarrenrhodesjr@gmail.com

If you would prefer to send a check, you can mail it to:
Wesley College Foundation
ATTN:  John C. West, CPA
1872 Lake Ridge Road
Birmingham, AL 35216

Write “Tanzania Christian Community” on the memo line

After you donate, I will contact you immediately with a confirmation that it was received, and I will let you know how close we are towards our $5,000 goal.

Thank you for helping to make this a reality, friends. I’m looking forward to what God will use us to do in 2022.

P.S. Veronica and I are trying to put together a simple, inexpensive honeymoon. To give to it, you can click here: https://www.travelersjoy.com/davisandveronica/

We were so thankful for the way that God worked in the hearts of all of the 5 community members at QuadW Tarime this last year. Each of our stories is personal and precious, so I’ve chosen to only share a summary of how each of us changed, but I hope that this gives you a general picture of how QuadW Tarime provided a liminal space for God to change our hearts.

First, what was QuadW Tarime 2021?

• Five young adults living together in Christian community for six months. Three Tanzanians, two Americans. 
• Praying together every morning and every evening, as well as cooking, cleaning, and eating together
• Volunteering for nearby churches, doing the work that no one wants to do 
• Visiting our neighbors house-to-house and making disciples

The Residents and Their Personal Transformation

Dinnah Sylvester

Dinnah caring for her neighbor’s blind daughter, named Annes

Dinnah came into QuadW Tarime filled with self-doubt and unsure if God had given her any gifts (as is common for Tanzanian women). She discovered that God had given her the gift of meeting people quickly, loving them deeply, and helping them to be closer to God. She ended up leading us in our house-to-house evangelism effort and in our evening prayer and worship.

She has chosen to continue living in the same neighborhood so that she can shepherd the house church and continue to disciple her neighbors.

Gilbert Bagaya

Gilbert taking a selfie at the baptism of Elias Chacha

Gilbert came into QuadW Tarime with incredible gifts for worship leading and preaching but unaware of the meaning of Christian service or house-to-house evangelism. Although it was a bit of a shock for him to learn that these are a part of being a disciple, he eventually became consistent and enthusiastic about dishwashing and cleaning bathrooms, even doing these chores before being asked. After he learned how to visit neighbors in their houses and to encourage them to be closer with God, he also became enthusiastic about this work, even visiting neighbors on his own rest time and days off.

Megan Swanson

Megan came into QuadW Tarime hoping to learn Swahili quickly and to be able to communicate with her neighbors. When some things outside of her control made this much harder than she had hoped, she began asking God about why He had led her here. From this, God taught her to be more present to the people around her than she ever had been before. From this, she discovered that God had given her gifts of listening, making people feel safe, and giving them space to open up and understand themselves better.

Veronica Marwa

Veronica opens our Bible study by washing Dinnah’s feet

Veronica came into QuadW Tarime knowing that God had called her to help African women to know that God loves them just as much as men. She was less sure about how exactly to do this, and how to choose her battles, given the ubiquitous mistreatment of women in Tanzania.

She learned to start and lead a house church, and to lead that house church to help women to heal each other from what they had suffered. She learned to focus her voice and energy on cases where women are being either physically abused or unfairly blamed by their husbands, and she was even able to help one of our neighbors to save their marriage.

Davis Rhodes

Davis cooking porridge for breakfast

Davis came into QuadW Tarime afraid of failure and overly obsessed with his own performance. This generally led to self-doubt, indecisiveness, and lack of confidence. 

He learned to find more joy in spending time in God’s presence and to be less concerned about his own success and reputation. This gave him the inner peace that he needed to be more confident, and to step into the leadership gift that God has given him. He learned to lead a Christian community to love their neighbors day after day, to share Jesus’s love, and to make disciples, through all of the inevitable joys and discouragements.

Veronica Marwa and I have decided to get married.

She’s a good one ❤


About a year ago, I was talking to a friend.
“I can tell that I keep expecting too much of romantic love. Idolizing it. I know that a happy life is to come more in love with God each day, through each thing in my life. But even though I know that, I keep looking for romantic love to make me happy.”

Pause

“Hmm. What if marriage could be one more way of coming in love with God? Instead of me continuing to put it above God? What if I could help her to come closer with God, and she could help me to come closer with God each day?”

Friend: “Wow. That sounds like a good direction to go. There may be a lot of wisdom there. But how would that happen, I mean, what helps you to come more in love with God?”

Me: “I’m not sure. I know that I come closer with God when I become more humble. But I don’t know why I become more humble sometimes, and more arrogant, self-obsessed at other times. Maybe I’ll start praying about that each morning and get back to you.”

I prayed about it each morning, and also went back and reviewed the last few years of my life. The patterns I saw weren’t what I had expected.

The times when I was most humble, and found it easiest to believe and remember that God loves me, were not times when I spent more time in prayer each morning, or times when I read the Bible more, or times when I engaged regularly in deep conversations of philosophy or theology. They weren’t correlated with great books I had read, or even with times when I had worked hardest at having mercy on my impoverished neighbors.

The times when I was most humble were the times when I was surrounded by genuine, loving community.

Those seasons, growing up, when I actually chose to engage with my loving parents and three younger siblings. The times at Auburn University when I chose to spend more time with my dear friends who I met at the Auburn Wesley Foundation. July and August of 2019, when I first moved into the Bonhoeffer House, before I got busy.

And the times when I was most arrogant, self-centered were the times when I was most lonely. The semester I took too many classes. Times serving in Tanzania when I couldn’t find any friends. Times when I bound myself to lofty goals with hard deadlines that required me to work around the clock.

A couple weeks later I talked to the same friend about what I had found.

“I’m shocked. And when it comes to romance, I’ve never once looked for someone who loves me well, who makes me feel loved. It’s never even been on my radar as something to look for. It’s like I normally look for affirmation- affirmation that I’m better than others- rather than love.”

Shortly after returning to Tanzania in January, I asked a friend about this. She agreed, and gave me some very good, and very needed advice for dating Tanzanian women. And a couple days later, she called me.

“Mambo. Hey come to NK Restaurant at 3 pm on Friday wearing something nice. And make sure you shower.”

“Okay… what’s going on?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of a blind date? Just be at NK on Friday. I think you will like her.”

It turns out I did. She had a lovely smile that showed her polished top teeth, she laughed easily, and was passionate about her calling- to help African women know that God loves them just as much as men.

As the weeks went by, and I tried to love her, I was surprised to notice that she didn’t make me feel like I was better than other people. But she did make me feel loved.

She listened to me. Very few friends in Tanzania listen to me. Not because they don’t care, but just because it’s a foreign concept here. The closest Swahili word to “listen”- kusikiliza- means something like, “to hear someone explain their problem and then do something about it”. But Veronica didn’t just “kusikiliza”… she attentively listened to me talk about what was on my mind, like she was really interested, and then she asked questions. It was like I was an open book to her.

I asked if we could pray together every day. She didn’t act like this was strange, or too much to commit to. We started praying together every day, and the prayers made both of us feel so loved, and helped us to learn new things about each other, and each others’ spiritual lives. We’ve continued to this day. I don’t understand why she doesn’t get tired of praying with me every day, but I’m just thankful.

One day she ironed my clothes. I never knew that I wanted anyone to iron my clothes. I didn’t especially need my clothes ironed… but the personal attention was so nice.

As with all relationships, things weren’t perfect. I can be arrogant and stubborn, and she has her own growing edges. But this time, everything was oriented differently. We weren’t expecting each other to save us or fulfill us or satisfy us. It was just one more way of coming closer with God. And with things oriented there, we knew what was really important to us, and what growing edges to accept and bear with in the other person.

As we were both members of the QuadW missional community here in Tarime, we got to know each other pretty quickly through living and working together every day. And as our 6-month trial run of QuadW Tarime drew to a close in August, we agreed that we didn’t want our life together to end; rather, we wanted to make our two lives into one, and to live one life together for as long as we both shall live.

Then she said, “You’ll have to meet my family, you know. And I’m Kuria tribe, so they’ll probably ask you for cows before they approve of you marrying me.”

Me: “There’s so many things I don’t understand about Tanzania. And I don’t understand this one, babe. You can’t put a price on you. You’re worth more than a million cows to me. But if that’s what it takes for them to approve, we can do that.”

It turns out they did ask for cows. 22 cows, to be exact. My good friend Mwita Baita, who I’ve talked about some before, helped bargain them down to 9. We gave them the money to buy 9 cows, and her family gave us their blessing.

The title means “I love you”. I’ve never been this happy before, and I’ve never been so close to God before. I can’t wait for our wedding, or for us to live out our callings together here at QuadW Tarime, or to see her again in a couple hours. I don’t know what I ever could have done to deserve this.

*We are getting married in Tanzania on February 5th. We are trying to put together a simple, inexpensive honeymoon. To give to it, you can click here: https://www.travelersjoy.com/davisandveronica/